Reflections and Irony

There is some irony in this post. My goal was to write about my first year of teaching. And today is the second official day of Summer (yes, after my first year of teaching). So... I thought I would take a minute to reflect.

 First of all, let me tell you why I didn't write. After I got my feet wet per say, I realized that I probably shouldn't post all of the harsh realities of the new circumstances I had waded into, or I might lose my job. Okay, I probably wouldn't have, but I was feeling some mega culture shock and would definitely have rattled on about how HORRIBLE this place is - not so great for my school's PR. Now I can say I've gotten used to it. It was, like I said, a culture shock. My wonderful, awesome, amazing, fabulous (shall I go on? Okay, I won't) year of student teaching was located in a tiny farm town in Ohio. I was...spoiled, and maybe sheltered there from the harsh realities that some children are facing in other areas of our dear country. My school is located in an area where students face some struggles that broke my heart as a parent and a teacher. Not all of the students struggled, but some. And I mean seriously heartbreaking circumstances that I probably shouldn't get into. "Survival of the fittest" seems to be an appropriate way to term the attitude of the neighborhood. Maybe some would say that this is the way of life everywhere, but I don't believe that to be true. Not like what these babies are growing up into. Not to mention, in case nobody has told you, the deep south is a little bit different than my "Yankee" upbringing. That's not bad, just took some getting used to. As my husband would say, my "accent" made me sound "uppity." I have no idea what he was talking about, but I did feel like a jerk having to ask everybody to repeat themselves until I could get used to the southern drawl. Anyway, lots of culture shock, lots of getting used to, didn't always have nice things to say... it was better that I didn't post.

Looking back on this first year of teaching, I have had so many emotions: Heartbreak, STRESS, disappointment, STRESS, inadequacies, tiny successes, deep friendships, self-reflection, self-reflection, self-reflection, STRESS (did I say that already?). I thought I knew it all. I knew what I was doing. I had LOADS of experience from parenting, running the before and after school program, years and years and years of college. Yeah, I knew nothing. I felt like I was drowning for most of the year... drowning from paperwork, drowning in inadequacy, drowning in disappointment, drowning in test prep (yuck!), drowning in lesson plans and expectations and hopes. It seems like a sad story I know, but there was good too. Every once in awhile, I got that feeling that made me go into teaching to begin with. The feeling you get when a student "gets it" and you know you did something right. That feeling when we finally walk down the hall quietly and you want to jump for joy (or actually jump for joy, as I sometimes did) that maybe things are getting better. That feeling of seeing your students show love and kindness to one another, when you remember how they use to fight. 

In a few months, I'll be starting over again. I've been moved to first grade (I guess I need to change the name of my blog!) and I'm so excited to start fresh (in a non-tested area might I add!)! At some point in this year, I got excited to start over, knowing what I would do differently. For example, I thought I came in with a tough demeanor. Go ahead and laugh, first year teacher classic mistake. I was tough for a minute, then fun, then funny, then sweet... I wanted my students to be excited about third grade and, yes, to like me - even though I never actually said that. Not this year. No smiles. They can like school because they're doing fun things. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around not being smiley with first graders, but I can do it. I know I can. I have to. At least for awhile. Anyway, I also plan to be more positive. My confidence has been knocked down, and I need to turn that around. As I read (which I am always doing) all of these books about teaching, trying to be better, I am reminded that I KNOW this stuff. I know what I'm doing. I just need to regain my confidence after this tough year. Part of doing that is staying positive. I tend to be my own worst critic (aren't we all?) and focus on what I'm doing wrong and need to fix, as opposed to the good things going on. I'm smart. I'm a problem solver. I'm creative. These will be my mantras for the year.

This doesn't even begin to wrap up this year in a big, pretty bow, but like I said, this year didn't come to me like that. I'm moving forward, gleaning what I can take that worked this year, using my experiences to become better, reading, reading, reading, relaxing, relaxing, relaxing, hanging around positive people, and reminding myself (yet again) that the good Lord brought us here for a reason. The least I can do is be grateful for health, family, and that He has taken care of us and carried our little family on His shoulders soooo much this year. He has brought some wonderful people into our lives and if he plans to keep us here in the beautiful (I have to give it that) state of Mississippi, I can only look forward to what He must have planned. 

 I know that was SOOOO long. Kudos to you if you read this far! God bless!

A Glimmer of Hope

I haven't given much information about my new teaching situation but a little understanding is necessary to understand the significance of today's small victory. I always thought classroom management came easily to me. I was born with the "teacher voice" and I already have kids so I'm past the "how strict is too strict?" mess. I know children aren't going to break from me being a little hard on them, and sometimes they need that. Last year, I felt like I was mean some days. Like I could not have fun with the kids because they would take advantage and get out of control... some days (maybe just a few). This year I have come home crying too many days because I feel like a drill sergeant. There is no letting up without losing control. Or at least there hasn't been. Not to mention that my students come from less than "perfect" family lives and many have grown up being told to stand up for themselves no matter what. "Watch out for number one." If I don't have my eye open and my class in order at all times, a fight will break out over somebody "stealing" a pencil (which has probably rolled on the floor) and the WHOLE class gets quickly involved. This has been my life for the last two months. Not to mention, I feel like I'm under constant scrutiny and am surely the only one with this lack of behavior management. AND, I've spent SO much time trying to adjust behavior that I feel like I've hardly TAUGHT anything! Not for lack of trying! Trust me, I've planned and planned and cut paper and cut paper and planned and planned some more. So anyway, this week I put the students in new groups (after rearranging my classroom yet again to try to find the right fit). I called their groups families and we had a long chat about how families all look a little different and all of the members are better at some things than others. We also talked about how once you're in a family, you have to learn to get along - There's no going back and asking the Big Guy in the Sky to make some rearrangements. You just find a way to make your family work. Likewise, there would be no asking Mrs. Hicks to move your seat either. So today, after they realized they were stuck, they started settling in and we actually were getting some work done! Yay! All of a sudden, mid-teaching, I hear "The Ultimate Problem Child" congratulate "Constantly Playing with 7 Pencils Child" for getting an answer right. He even offered him a High Five! If you can picture a popularity spectrum, these two students were on the farthest ends possible from each other! I was SOOOO proud!!!!! So of course I made a HUGE deal about how families encourage one another and how they were being such great family members, and lo and behold, the rest of the class starts "high five-ing" each other whenever they answer questions right, too! It was amazing! And (though it was not long lived) I for once had the feeling that I was the type of teacher I always wanted to be, the kind who can instill classroom community and caring among one another. The kind where students are compassionate toward one another, celebrating the victories together and working together to fix the problems. Today was a small step for sure, but certainly one that I will grasp tight to until I can find some more!

Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore...

Okay, so my dog is named Baby, and instead of being a miniature whatcha-call-it, she's more of a mastiff. And instead of Kansas, I'm talking about the teeny tiny farm town I student taught in back in Ohio. I had originally started this blog intending to write about my first year of student teaching. As everybody told me I would, I got super overwhelmed and haven't written since I moved in July. I am not going to try and backtrack all of my experiences since then, as amusing, heartbreaking, and/or unbelievable as some may be. But I will try to get to them along the way. In the meantime, here's the rundown: We're in a great little neighborhood with amazing neighbors. My kids are in a fabulous school! The school I teach at is 4 miles down the road and a whole world away. Amazing that things can transition so dramatically in just 4 miles. I'm working with a level of poverty I've never known before. The kind where you don't have pencils and paper in your classroom unless you buy them yourself. So there's your teaser. I promise to write more later, but it's 6:17 and I'm the only one awake and we all need to be gone in the next 45 minutes. Ahhh!

On the road!

I'll try to write this as best as possible since I am now having to blog from my cell phone (with great difficulty I might add). Just thought I would let everybody know we hit the road and we're halfway to our new home! okay that's all I can handle writing right now. sorry! more to come later. Seriously its really hard to blog on this tiny phone !

Warning: Geek Zone

So I was showing my kids our new home (as of this Thursday) on the satellite version of google maps and noticed that the water on the coast is really, really blue. I'm thinking: What beautiful crystal clear waters we'll get to swim in! Well my geekiness got the best of me and I really just HAD to know why it was so blue so I did what any educated researcher would do... I googled it. :)

This is probably common knowledge for everybody else, but I didn't pay much attention to science in school (ironically it's one of my FAVORITE things to teach now). So here's what I learned: Apparently the Mississippi River carries all sorts of pesticides and animal waste down from farms and dumps it into the Gulf right there on the coast of Mississippi and Louisiana. That all makes sense - I guess I just hadn't thought about it much. Well the effect of this is a Dead Zone in which there is an overgrowth of algae and little oxygen so it kills off a lot of the gulf's ecosystem. This seems like one of those issues to teach kids about and maybe when they grow up they'll seek out a way to fix it, changing the world one fish at a time! I know I'm an optimistic, dorky teacher, but that's the kind of stuff that makes me excited about teaching! I found a pretty cool website for kids about it. Click here for the link.

I'm gonna be honest - I'm pretty excited to know something about Mississippi to teach these kids! I could give them all sorts of Ohio history but I'm not sure the administrators would go for that...

Ketchup and Pickles

I have to share this ADORABLE idea I found in the hours...oops, I mean short amount of time between cleaning and packing, that I've spent on other teacher blogs. It's called "Ketchup and Pickles." The idea is that you post the two pictures (below) on the wall on Friday and if students have to catch up on their work they get their name listed under the ketchup bottle, but if students are all caught up they get to "pick" a fun activity and their name goes under the pickle. You can click here to download the picture. I think this is so cute! I can't wait to use it in my classroom!

Blind Organization

I never thought I would be so excited to get a letter in the mail that says "Dear Colleague." Silly, I know, but at least I know I've not been forgotten... or worse, replaced. Yikes! But the worry is now 90% alleviated. At least if the kind people of the school have forgotten me, some computer data system at the school knows I exist.

I have been able to get my head a little organized despite the little information I have to get my classroom organized. I found this FANTABULOUS teacher binder (pictured below) from The Organized Classroom blog (click here for link) which has everything you forgot you ever needed as far as paperwork (sub plans, gradebook stuff, contact info and so much more that I can't even think of!). AND, it's all in this super adorable black and white theme. I also got from the same website a Core Concepts organizer which will help me keep track of all these new standards. It also helps the students keep track of what they have learned! AWESOME!!!

I also found a huge amount of resources from this other AMAZING teacher blog, The Clutter-Free Classroom (click here for link). I only hope I can be as organized as these amazing women seem to be! What I loved from the Clutter-Free Classroom (among the many, many things I have downloaded) was this Classroom Procedures and Routines Workbook (click for link). I am so glad that somebody out there was thinking of how to get ME organized! I did have to pay for those few things I mentioned but I think they will be TOTALLY worth it. The Clutter-Free Classroom has TONS of other downloads which are FREE!!! And I do love me some free!

So... despite the itty bitty amount of communication I've had with the school, I figure most of this is universal(ish) and so I now feel a bit more organized than I did. A little bit less panicky. I'm sure it'll be okay. Why isn't my Ohio teaching license here yet...? Grrr.